Have you ever gone through a bad experience and thought back afterward, coming to the conclusion that “it happened again”? At times in life we all re-live the same experience but through different circumstances and people. It’s like watching multiple movies with the same plot line just different actors on a different set. You may be able to see this in your own life through relationships with significant others, job experiences, day to day interactions, or something else. This is not because you have “bad luck” or “bad vibes” that attract the same negativity, it is because there is something within your psyche that is seeking to be resolved by putting you in the same kind of situation again and again. It doesn’t matter if you’re looking at this from a purely psychological perspective or from a larger soul lesson perspective. Either way, the series of events in your life are continuously being set up in these situations so that you have another opportunity to truly learn the lesson and right whatever was wronged in the past.
How does psychological trauma play into re-enactment?
From a purely psychological perspective, our psyches hold onto traumas from the past unless they are fully processed, healed, and integrated. You can tell if a trauma is not healed when triggering happens during similar circumstances or any variety of emotional dysregulations occurs (such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, CPTSD, anger outbursts, etc). These traumas or wounds are usually held deep within the psyche in the subconscious part of the mind (just beneath conscious awareness). The subconscious of the psyche works to bring these wounds to consciousness through these recurring experiences, since the subconscious mind is unable to communicate in more direct ways. This is how we unconsciously get ourselves into the same bad relationship, bad job, and other situations that seem completely out of our control (even something like multiple car accidents). In the book ‘Waking the Tiger’ by Peter Levine he says “Traumatized adults often re-enact an event that in some way represents, at least to the subconscious, the original trauma...While they may not be aware of the significance behind their behaviours, they are deeply driven by the feelings associated with the original trauma to re-enact them.” This means that the deeper parts of the mind are working to resolve a wounding experience by giving you another opportunity.
How do I break the cycle?
The first step in breaking the cycle is simply becoming aware of what’s happening. Hindsight is always 20/20 and if you can look back at situations and see how the same kind of events unfolded, just with different people and circumstances, then you are already on your way. Then do some analysing of the situations. What is this similar that (usually) happened during childhood? It is possible that you cannot recall the event because major trauma also blocks off memories sometimes.
In order to illustrate the cycle I am going to use the example of toxic relationship cycles.
John grew up in a home where his parents had a very tumultuous relationship. At the age of 5, his mother left one day and he never saw her again. Fast forward to adulthood. John is a smart, attractive, successful man but can’t seem to find a good partner. He dates women who seem, in the beginning, to be wonderful, caring, and supportive. Over months of dating John falls in love and seeks further commitment from these women and they leave him. This is the same scenario he lived out in childhood. The women he falls for are like his mother in the sense that they cannot commit long term and he re-lives the trauma and abandonment of his mother leaving over and over again.
You may think John just keeps picking the wrong partner and if he went for a different kind of woman then it could all work out fine. Sure, that may work out but there is something within John that is continuously drawn to women that cannot commit and leave him. This is the subconscious mind in action working to reveal the internal wound so that it can be healed.
How do I heal internal wounds?
There are a multitude of ways to heal internally. Within all of them the key is introspection. Once you recognize the wound (like John of abandonment) think back to when that first occurred. John may have thought that something that happened when he was 5 years old couldn’t affect his adult life so much, but that is not the case. Within John’s psyche is that 5 year old boy who is deeply hurt by the abandonment of his mother and re-lives that same pain over and over each time a partner leaves. In order to heal, that inner child needs to be witnessed for the pain it carries, comforted in his sorrow, and assured that adult John will never abandon him. This process may take a few minutes or even weeks or months. 5 year old John may not trust adult John or may hide away in the internal landscape of the subconscious. And the healing is not over after just one moment of connection and comfort. The process of healing is different for everyone and patience is key to long lasting healing. Many people need someone to assist on that healing journey with them; that is where therapists, coaches, and healers of all sorts come into the picture. The important thing as well is to find something that works for you as an individual, at your own pace and comfort level, while also working with the subconscious or unconscious mind, not just the conscious mind. It is vital to get deeper into the psyche in order to have profound healing.
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